Playing the Great Sport of Tennis

Thanks for the guest post by Esteban Vinson

As a man who is athletic and well muscled, I can play any sport I wish. However, as a man of wealth and opulence, the only sports I play are the ones offered by the local country club. I would not be caught dead in the filthy pig pen that some people call a football field, or dare get sand on my precious clothes made by Ralph Lauren by sliding into home plate. No, the only baseball I will be playing is the euphemistic kind, as elegant socialites and I play mixed doubles on a court made of emeralds and a net woven by endangered spiders.

Tennis, after all, is a regal sport, one that has been played by emperors and oligarchs since the beginning of time. I am not referring to the barbaric way it is played by professionals, but the way we play it, or more specifically I play it. I play tennis with the sole purpose of not sweating and looking handsome, smelling handsome, while wearing my opulent foreign cologne, which smells like success and tincture of hazelnut. That is because redolence is more important than athletic prowess, as any countess will tell you. I should know, I am married to one. She also tells me that whenever I leave for the court, to always set my home security alarm (Modesto Adt security specials) to prevent ruffians from entering my domicile. It is sound advice.

Playing the Great Sport of Tennis